An Ode to Writer's Block

There are Great writers and bad ones. What differentiates them is what they do when they face writer's block. The bad ones take a trip to the country searching for inspiration. The good ones go to the library and 'borrow' inspiration.

Why am I telling you this?
I don't know.

Clearly I have a very acute case of scriptor clausus. (latin for writer's block. I just put that in for the pseud factor). Friends, Romans and countrymen, lend me your ears. (There I go again).

Dont be mistaken, my mind is swimming with thoughts, it is just that whenever I sit in front of my laptop to write something down, fate gives me another task. It got so irritating that I have decided to write something, even if it contained nothing at all. How much can you write about nothing? Well, I have already written 129 words. 136 words. 138 words. 140 words. 142 words.....

Not bad, not bad at all.

I remember having to write letters in my english exams. They used to give us a word limit of 200 words with 5 words give or take. If your letter exceeded or fell short of this limit, then they would start cutting marks. Come on!!! You can't predict how much a person wants to say. What about freedom of speech, dammit!! I'm suing. An insult to the intelligence of the pupil writing the exam. I mean, I've already exceeded the 200 word limit and I didn't have anything to say. So imagine how much a person who is given a topic can write.

If my diction and my flow of thought and all that nonsense is crap, I'm just making this up as I go along. You see, I have not had the privilege of having been given a topic to write upon unlike those choice few who are going to write exams. No, I have not been paid by the board to praise English as a subject (people don't take it seriously. Atleast I didn't). And before I incur the wrath of those who flunked their ingleez exams, let me quickly change the topic.

Still going strong...

Languages are beautiful. They are just like binary trees (It's a concept which only iitians and 8 other people in the world can comprehend). Once you choose a word, there are, logically, only a few other words which can follow it. Once you select a word from this list, only a few other words can follow it, and so on and so forth. If you keep on repeating this process, you will finally reach an end. This is what we humans know as a 'full stop' (no, they're not just symbols which help you to breath while talking and by chance you do not know what a 'full stop' is, forget about your ingleez exams). I could probably write a software which can do the above process for me, but since I am neither jobless nor crazy (an intersection between those sets, i am), I shall leave that to the IT guys (you find them everywhere these days, I found 1 in my fridge the other day). But dear readers, do not fear, I have not found such a machine and am definitely not unleashing it on this post. This is 110% thought of and written by human.

I imagine what would happen to humanity, if such a software is created. You could probably name it 'iWrite' or something (What??!! I did say I had writer's block, you know!!). You could just install it on your computer and once done, click on tools-->options, tweak some settings here and there, and Voila, you are ready! Have an email you have to send? iWrite will do it for you. Wanna write that prenup (which you think you'll never need)? iWrite can do it. Wanna update that blog you forgot about? No problemo, jus type in the URL and you are good to go.

Heck!! Why stop there? We can go on to use that Stephen Hawking talking thing ( no offence S.H., A great fan!! ). You don't even have to speak. iWrite will do it for you!! So iWrite can speak and think for you, why the hell would you need the human, when you have androids which are much faster and stronger. But we would require a power source. Idea!! Why don't we use the human as the power source, like in that Matrix movie? I must admit that this would be a marketing nightmare, but that can be avoided by putting a sign can't we? Like "Warning: AA batteries not included in package." Damn!! I should really think about advertising as a career.

This writer's block thing is really good isnt it? I've already written a 800 word post about nothing.

Want me to go on? I am a lil' like that energizer bunny. :)